Nirvana
by Violet Scarlet Lily
Summary: A collaborative Teddy/Lily Luna fic - written with Couture Girl and Yellowtail555 on HPFC. She shouldn't be in St. Mungo's - after all, what had she done? Only a bloody checkerboard on her forearm - only a few too many pills.


**Hey hey** **hey my lovelies! This isn't all mine. I just had to say that. This is cowritten with my two lovely friends, Couture Girl and Yellowtail 555. We did this like passing back and forth thing - the paragraph breaks are where someone else starts writing - except for the dialogue. Does that make sense? Anyways**, **here it is! 1,348 words written by three people over about 30 minutes. O.o**

**Disclaimer: Am I 40? No. Am I blonde? Yes. Am I British? Sadly, no. Do I have an ex-husband? No. Is my first initial J? No. Do you think I own Harry Potter?**

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She sat on the edge of the window. The open window, three stories up. She shouldn't be in St. Mungo's - after all, what had she done? Only a bloody checkerboard on her forearm - only a few too many pills. Why should she be here? He was the one who caused it - he should be here for breaking her heart.

Because that's real torture, the loss of a loved one. And the worst part? He's still alive to smirk at her and pass her in Diagon Alley with a sheepish grin and pretend he still loves her. But does he? No, he'd rather she just curl up and die. Which is what she wants to do right now and the fact that jumping would be so easy? It's almost too much to bear.

And he's gone - not lost, gone. He's here, but he's not him. He's not the _same_ as he was before. Something changed him. She reckons it was _the other woman_. Or maybe it was the first woman and _she _was the other woman. What did it matter anyway? Jumping. She ponders it for a second. If she jumps, he won't plague her anymore. But if he jumps, he won't plague her anymore. She hates how he stays in her mind - but she loves that in some way, he's still _here_ with _her_.

She hates the way he makes her feel, like she's no longer in control and has to listen to his rules and play by _his_ game. And the words she wants to spit at him every time she sees him are still on the tip of her tongue, a bitter taste that makes her pucker up and she wants to spit out this window and get rid of anything he made her feel. But a nurse slides in, her feet quietly tapping across the small room.

"Hello," the nurse says, "How are you, love?"

She hates how they call her 'love' here. That's _his _territory. He was the only one who ever called her 'love'.

"Better," she lies, putting on her sunshine smile.

"That's good," the nurse says, setting down a plate (with pills) and a cup of water, "Take your meds, ok? A nurse will be back in about an hour to check on you. Take one pill now, and another in half an hour."

The nurse leaves on her pitter-patter cat feet, and Lily downs both the pills. Maybe, this way, she'll forget.

But she won't and it's all just a deception. Like when he use to hide from her when she was coming home and made her scout out the house for him, although she'd always find him lying on a bed. Ready for her... No! She won't let herself remember him for the way she loved him, only the way he made her feel like everything inside her was on fire when he'd snap at her and make her want to hit him. But she couldn't because that wasn't what they did. They went on dates, whispered secrets into each other's ears, and made up pet names. The very reason that every time she hears the word "Ginger ale" she wants to scream and run away.

But it doesn't make her forget. Ted is still in her mind. Haunting, taunting, hating and loving her. She wants to scream, and she does, she hits her head, trying to get him out. But he won't leave, he won't ever leave. Because he owns her. She's his. No one else's. and she would be happy, if not were the fact that he isn't hers. He's Victoire's. Not hers. Never hers. And she cries, cries for what she will never had, cries for the life that she wanted but she will never live it. She hates him, but loves him at the same time. He consumes her. And she can't escape. She will never escape.

Teddy is _there_ always. Teddy Remus Lupin. Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. Victoire is too prim and perfect and _Veela_. Lily can't stand how perfect she is. Why can't she be perfect like Victoire? Why is Victoire married to Teddy, and Lily is alone in a mental hospital?

Because Lily's loved him since she was 12 years old and he was 21 and she accidently fell out of a tree while he sat above her, teasing. Always teasing because then she never though he'd be hers. He's 9 years older but she was the one he climbed down to help even when Victorie called from the house and almost instinctively their lips met. But it was all a lie. Her whole life was a lie.

She knows the answer. She was perfect-but Teddy broke her. She was beautiful but he told her she was ugly. And she believed him. Because he is her truth. He is her salvation and doom. That she loves it. That she can't stop. That's why she's here. Because he had broken her beyond repair. That not even her war-hero of a father can fix her. No. Only he can. But he isn't here. He's with her. That Veela that she hates. Hates more than Ted.

She knows it was probably just some meaningless jest when he said she wasn't as pretty as Victoire. But she also knows that his word is law.

Knock. Knock.

Probably the nurse.

"Come in," she breathes, her voice sounding like shattered glass.

"Lils," he says - and suddenly he's next to her.

"Teddy?"

She jumps not wanting to be near him. If he's near he'll hurt her. And that name! No! She doesn't want to hear it! It reminds her of her first time with him, while that Veela was away in France.

And he knows that.

So he walks closer to her and touches her face, like he used to. Like he cares, and she falls for him all over again.

How could one person have so much power over another? And if someone had that power, why did it have to be Teddy over Lily?

"G-go away Teddy," she says, "P-please."

"Lily...Victoire moved out."

"I'm n-no second-best."

"You were never second best, not to me."

Her eyes widen. No it can't be. It isn't true. Her whole life had been for this. Waiting for this. But why can't she believe him? She wants to be his. All his. And then she hugs him, trying to bury herself into him, and tears come out. Teddy hugs her. And for her this life. This is why she was born. For him, to be with him. Be his. But she can't leave this place, because they think she's crazy. He has to help her. He has to get her out.

"I'm so, so sorry Lily," he says, burying his face in her hair, "This is all my fault."

And it is, but she doesn't want to tell him that. He's too perfect, too wonderful, to know that he broke her into bits.

So she just cries more and his hair turns navy for her.

"Get me out of here, Teddy," she sobs, "Save me. This place is death."

He nods and takes her hand. With his wand he changes her. She isn't Lily anymore. She's someone else. A stranger, and when her blue eyes look up, he isn't Teddy. He's a stranger.

Making their way to the door, no one is there.

This is it. They have to leave now. If they don't they would never be together.

So Ted runs, his hand holding hers tightly. And both feel a rush of adrenaline. They laugh and the nurses are after them, but the both laugh. And in that second they apparate away. Away from this hell, away from her parents, away from that woman.

And she is happy, oh so happy that she keeps laughing, while he kisses her with so much passion. She is his. And forever she will be his. No one else's. Her life is perfect. For now it's perfect because he is with her, kissing her, making her his. And she is in nirvana.

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**Awwwwww...my OTP! I converted Couture Girl to this lovely pairing. Please review - we'd like to know what you think.**

**Love always,**

**Lily (and CG and Yellow!)  
**


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